Eckert Generations

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TURKEY TIME

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey cam strutting onto the field.  While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.  When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!!  Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.”

“Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

Asked to write a composition entitled, “What I’m thankful for on Thanksgiving,” little Jonnie wrote, ” I am thankful that I’m not a turkey.”

Q:  Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble”?

A:  Because they never learned good table manners!

Q:  What sound does a space turkey make?

A:  Hubble, Hubble, Hubble.

Q:  Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?

A:  The turkey because he’s already stuffed!

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Jesus, You mean the world to me. You
are my life and my all. I’m thankful for
the strength that You give from day to day.
I know that without You I am nothing.

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The secret of peace is to give every anxious care to God.

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“This  is beautiful! “

She  jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come  out of the operating room.  She said: “How is my  little boy? Is he going to be all right?   When can I see him?”  The  surgeon said, “I’m sorry. We did all we could,  but your boy didn’t make  it.”

Sally  said, “Why do little children get cancer?   Doesn’t God care any more?  Where were you, God,  when my son needed you? ”  The  surgeon asked, “Would you like some time alone  with your son? One of the nurses will be out in  a few minutes, before he’s transported to the  university.”

Sally  asked the nurse to stay with her while she said  good bye to her son.  She ran her fingers  lovingly through his thick red curly hair…  “Would you like a lock of his hair?”  the nurse  asked.  Sally nodded yes.  The nurse cut a lock of  the boy’s hair, put it in a plastic bag and  handed it to Sally.

The  mother said, “It was Jimmy’s idea to donate his  body to the University for Study.  He said it  might help somebody else.  “I said no at first”,  but Jimmy said, “Mom, I won’t be using it after  I die.  Maybe it will help some other little boy  spend one more day with his Mom.”  She went on,  “My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking  of someone else. Always wanting to help others  if he could..”

Sally walked  out of Children’s Mercy Hospital for the last  time, after spending most of the last six months  there.  She put the bag with Jimmy’s belongings  on the seat beside her in the  car.

The  drive home was difficult.  It was even harder to  enter the empty house.  She carried Jimmy’s  belongings , and the plastic bag with the lock  of his hair to her son’s room.

She  started placing the model cars and other  personal things back in his room exactly where  he had always kept them.  She lays down across  his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself  to sleep.

It  was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying  beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The  letter said:

‘Dear  Mom,

I  know you’re going to miss me; but don’t think  that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you,  just ’cause I’m not around to say ‘I Love  You’.  I will always love you, Mom,  even more with each day.. Someday we will see  each other again. Until then, if you want to  adopt a little boy so you won’t be so lonely,  that’s okay with me. He can have my room and old  stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a  girl instead, she probably wouldn’t like the  same things us boys do. You’ll have to buy her  dolls and stuff girls like, you know.

Don’t  be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat  place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I  got here and showed me around some, but it will  take a long time to see everything. The angels  are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you  know what? Jesus doesn’t look like any of his  pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was  Him.  Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And  guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God’s knee and  talk to  Him, like I was somebody important. That’s when  I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter,  to tell you good bye and everything. But I  already knew that wasn’t allowed. Well, you know  what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own  personal pen to write you this letter I think  Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to  drop this letter off to you. God said for  me to give you the answer to one of the  questions you asked Him ‘where was He when I  needed him?’ ‘God said He was in the same place  with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross.  He was right there, as He always is with all His  children.

Oh,  by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I’ve  written except you. To everyone else this is  just a blank piece of paper. Isn’t that cool?  I  have to give God His pen back now,  He needs it to  write some more names in the Book of Life.  Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for  supper. I’m sure the food will be  great.

Oh,  I almost forgot to tell you.  I don’t hurt  anymore the cancer is all gone.  I’m glad because  I couldn’t stand that pain anymore and God  couldn’t stand to see me hurt so much, either.  That’s when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come  get me.  The Angel said I was a Special Delivery!  How about that?

Signed  with Love from God, Jesus &  Me.

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“When you’re down to nothing, God is  up to something.”

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Just Stay

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.  “Your son is here,” she said to the old man.  She had to repeat the words several times before the patient’s eyes opened.

Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man’s limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man’s hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.  He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital – the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.

Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.

Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.

Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.  “Who was that man?” he asked.  The nurse was startled, “He was your father,” she answered.  “No, he wasn’t,” the Marine replied. “I never saw him before in my life.”  “Then why didn’t you say something when I took you to him?”  “I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn’t here.  When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed.”

I came here tonight to find a Mr. William Grey.His Son was Killed in Iraq today, and I was sent to inform him. What was this Gentleman’s Name?  The Nurse with tears in her eyes,  answered,  Mr. William Grey………….

The next time someone needs you … just be there.   Stay.

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“Business Partners”

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.  He reduces height and spots a man down below.  He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes, You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.

“I do,” replies the man.  “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”

The man below says, ” You must work in business.”

“I do,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” says the man.  “You don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help.  You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

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More Signs of Changing Times . . .

Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have Facebook.

Your resume is on a CD in your pocket.

Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.

You really get excited about a 1.7% pay increase.

You start tilting your head sideways to smile. 🙂

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45s and Other Oddities

A few years back, I had my old 45 RPM records out to look through and my daughter asked what they were.  I explained that back in the 1960’s before CD’s were invented, this was how we listened to music.  I further explained how all the bands and solo performers issued singles on these “45s” and the radio stations would rate the top 40 songs every week.

She was quite impressed as I continued describing how one used a phonograph to play them.  I burst out laughing when she asked in a very straight-faced manner, “Daddy, how many gigabytes does one of these hold?”

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APPLEMANIA
What reads and lives in an apple?

A bookworm

What kind of apple isn’t an apple?

A pineapple

What kind of apple has a short temper?

A crab apple

How do you make an apple turnover?

Push it down hill

What is the left side of an apple?

The part that you don’t eat

How does an apple a day keep the doctor away?

When you take careful aim

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do?

Keeps everyone away.

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GUILT BY ASSOCIATION

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.  As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking.  I saw a little boy staring in at me.  “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.  “It sure is.” I replied.  Puzzled, the boy loked at me and then towards the back of the van.  Finally he said, “What’d he do?”

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TOO MUCH SUGAR

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman.  “I’m diabetic and I’m afraid I had too much sugar today,” she said.  “Are you light-headed?” my colleague asked.  “No,” the caller answered.  “I’m a brunette.”

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Interview Bloopers

The person applying for the job:

…wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.

…a balding candidate abruptly excused himself, and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.

…asked to see the interviewer’s resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.

…announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and French fries in the interviewer’s office–wiping the ketchup on her sleeve.

…stated that if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

…interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.

…when asked about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around the office.

Friendly tip for your next interview:

The interviewer gets the big chair.

Job application question:

Emergency contact number…The applicant wrote 911.

Job benefit:

We don’t block Facebook.

Reaching the end of a job interview,

the human resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of business school, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”  The applicant said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks’ vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50 percent of you salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”

The applicant sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

And the interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”

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Brain Tease: How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?

It is okay to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.

A college student was asked if he knew the difference between ignorance and apathy.  He replied:  I don’t know and I don’t care.

Do you know the definition of someone who is “well-adjusted”?  They make the same mistake over and over again without getting upset about.

I recently took an IQ test; and, unfortunately, the results were negative.

Mathematical Statistics: There are three kinds of people–those who can count and those who can’t.

I recently got lost in thought–it was unfamiliar territory.

There is nothing wrong with having nothing to say–unless you say it.

If ignorance is bliss, then why aren’t more people happy?

Have you ever considered that half the people you know are below average?  It makes a person feel positively brilliant!

Remember: You can pretend to be serious; you can’t pretend to be witty.

Have you ever wondered: If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why isn’t it #1.

A good way to determine if you are an intellectual or not is if you can listen to the William Tell Overture and NOT think of the Lone Ranger

Have you ever considered: How is it that we had the knowledge to put a man on the moon before someone realized it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?